


to live and to love

by blessedreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But With an Alternate Ending, Disability, Disabled Character, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Home Health Aide Rey, I PROMISE He Does Not Die, Inspired by Me Before You (2016), Me Before You (2016) - Freeform, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of car accident, Mentions of childhood abandonment, No Major Character Death, Quadriplegia, Quadriplegic Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Let’s Go to the Movies Fic Exchange, mentions of assisted suicide, mentions of childhood neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedreylo/pseuds/blessedreylo
Summary: a Me Before You (2018) inspired Reylo AU (with a promised happy ending)Young and quirky Rey Niima moves from one job to the next to help her family make ends meet. Her cheerful attitude is put to the test when she becomes a caregiver for Ben Solo, a wealthy young man left paralyzed from an accident two years earlier. Ben's cynical outlook starts to change when Rey shows him that life is worth living. As their bond deepens, their lives and hearts change in ways neither one could have imagined.*NO MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH*
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 63
Kudos: 118
Collections: Let's Go to the Movies - Reylo Readers & Writers Prompt Exchange, Reylo Hidden Gems





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kylorella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylorella/gifts).



> We're in for a rollercoaster, friends.
> 
> Just a couple quick things before we begin:  
> 1\. Shoutout to @kylorella for submitting this prompt to the Let’s Go to the Movies Fic Exchange! I hope that you like my depiction of this story  
> 2\. Big thanks to @catrasadxra who I commissioned for the cover art to this fic, it's so lovely!  
> 3\. I didn't actually watch this movie before deciding to write this (I had wanted to for awhile but put it off because I heard how sad the ending was) but I wanted to challenge myself not only to write something based on an unfamiliar story, but also something this emotionally heavy.  
> 4\. I tried my very very best to learn from the movie but also do my own research for this depiction of a disabled person. If I've done or said something that's even remotely offensive or untrue, please DM me on Twitter and I'm more than happy to edit. 
> 
> With all that said, I really hope you enjoy this story ♥️

[ ](https://imgur.com/J4URoue)

Rey fidgets with the hem of her polka dot skirt as she takes a seat in probably the most opulent sitting room she’s ever seen. She didn’t imagine that at the ripe old age of twenty five that she’d be laid off from her job at the local bookshop after four years, and now ready to take on a new job completely outside of the realm of her knowledge. But she’s desperate and the employment office said it was good pay and minimal skills required, so she has to at least try. She tried not to put pressure on herself, her adoptive parents Maz and Chewie have been relying on her steady income all these years and she doesn’t want to disappoint them by not getting this one. As excited as she was for her adopted sister Rose to go back to college, she knew that it meant that she would have to be the breadwinner until Chewie could find a new job.

She’s snapped out of her thoughts when the demure woman sitting across from her politely clears her throat. She’s smaller than Rey, with long braided hair and thinly framed glasses. She sips tea and studies Rey curiously, like she can’t discern why on earth this quirky looking young woman is perched in her house for this job. 

“Miss Niima, why should I offer you this job? Your resume shows no experience of caring for people with disabilities, or any kind of similar experience for that matter.”

“Yes, Mrs. Solo…” she begins nervously, biting her bottom lip. “What I don’t have in technical skills...I make up for in quick learning and a... _positive attitude_. And I know I can be a good...caregiver for your husband…”

Mrs. Solo cuts her off gently. “My son.” Rey pauses, a slightly grief stricken look on her face. This woman doesn’t look like she’s very old so that must mean that her son may even be around her age, the thought sinking low in her heart for a moment. “My son, Ben, is quadriplegic. Meaning he has paralysis in all four limbs. He has limited mobility in his neck and arms, but almost everything he does requires assistance. He has a home health aide that can handle all the medical requirements...but we’re mostly looking for someone to care for him outside of that. To be a companion. Can you do that, Miss Niima?”

Rey nods with wide eyes, not truly understanding what it might entail. She can’t even imagine what this man may be dealing with, but if she just needs to be a kind smile and a positive presence she just might be able to do that.

“Yes, Mrs. Solo.”

The older woman nods, a soft smile on her lips. “Well, let’s have you meet him then.”

-

When the sliding door opens, Rey’s breath catches in her throat. She’s come face to face with a dark pair of brown eyes, stubbled pale skin, long black hair and a set of uniquely mesmerizing facial features. It takes her a moment to zoom out and realize that he’s sitting in an electric wheelchair, dressed in a dark navy blue sweater and black pants. He’s staring at her with such rigor, his eyes scanning from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Rey almost feels embarrassed by his study, he’s probably grimacing at her bright red sweater or her black and white polka dot skirt or her black sparkly shoes...practically the complete opposite of his style.

“Ben, this is Rey. She’s going to be your new caregiver.” Mrs. Solo (who’s now asked her to start calling her Leia) says softly with a smile. Rey now notices that there’s a tall redheaded man dressed in a pair of blue scrubs next to Ben, a stethoscope around his neck and a smile on his face.

“I’m Armitage Hux, you can just call me Hux. I’m Ben’s home health doctor.” he says warmly, his thick Irish accent rolling through the relatively silent room. Rey smiles and shakes his hand, already feeling comfortable with him. She turns her eyes back at Ben who is still silently studying her. 

“I don’t need a babysitter, mother.” the deep voice states coldly. She doesn’t know why she wasn’t expecting an American accent, she could’ve deduced that from speaking with his mother. What was this wealthy American family doing living in a manor estate in Hertfordshire? 

His mother dismisses his statement, looking back at Rey. “I’ll leave you two to get to know each other.” And with that, Leia and Hux exit the room, the soft whooshing of the automatic sliding door closing behind them. There’s several moments of stiff silence, Rey swaying back and forth on her heels waiting to see if Ben will speak first. From what she barely knows about him she knows that won't happen anytime soon, so she pipes up. 

“Do you want anything to drink? I make a mean cup of tea.” she offers with a grin, hoping it will sate the scowl on his face. He furrows his brows at her.

“Miss Niima, I don’t pretend to know your motives for accepting this job. It’s clear that my mother thinks I’m in need of a more... _unconventional_ presence. So how about for both your sake and mine, we keep our interactions to the bare minimum and move forward with an amicable working relationship.”

Rey is stunned silent. She’s almost certain a backhanded compliment was sprinkled in there somewhere, but she can’t discern it while she’s staring at him staring at her in utter contempt. She sighs, nodding in acquiesce before walking backwards towards the sliding door, quickly allowing it to put a physical barrier between them. It’s clear he’s already taken care of the emotional one. 

-

It’s been one week and Rey is not sure if she can handle this any longer. Her employer (well, technically the son of her employer) has made it his mission in life to treat her with the utmost discourtesy she’s ever seen. Every morning she enters his part of the home with a bright smile and equally bright clothes, always met with a cold acrimonious look from Ben Solo. When that fails to bring him to civility she makes herself scarce most of the day, only coming in direct contact with him to bring him meals and medication. Once in a while he will request her to bring him something mundane or ask her to do something ridiculous, and she meets it every time with a cheerful smile. She knows he’s only doing those things to get under her skin, hoping that she will break and quit this job so he can be free of her, but Rey Niima does not give up that easily (especially when there’s this much money on the line).

The tide shifts slightly on a dreary Thursday afternoon. Rey is sitting in an alcove of the loft reading when she hears a large crash and a shattering of glass. She gasps and runs towards the sound, only to find Ben in his room with a bunch of shattered photo frames strewn across the table and floor. Shards of glass surround his chair, as he looks up at her with wide raging eyes and uneven breath.

“Don’t move. I don’t know what to do if you pop a tire.” Rey works in silence, sweeping up glass and moving the photos back onto the table in a pile. When the coast is clear, Ben practically zooms out of the room to get away from the whole ordeal. She takes a moment to pause and look at the photos, because it’s clear from his demeanor that none of this was on accident.

It’s a series of photos of him and other people, of him before his accident (an accident she doesn’t know about and is too scared to ask). He’s smiling and laughing with a beautiful dark haired girl in one, the same girl present in another photo with him and another man with dark curly hair. He’s in all sorts of exotic places that Rey’s only ever dreamed of visiting. She can see the gleam in his eyes, in the eyes of a Ben that has been gone for a very long time. Sometimes she thinks she’s caught glimpses of this Ben, when she comes in an especially ridiculous outfit or when she mistakenly thought that pesto sauce was green gravy. It was the closest thing she’d gotten to a laugh from him thus far. 

She collects what's salvageable of these photos and brings them to the dining table along with some glue. Rey works for about thirty minutes in concentration when she’s interrupted by the clearing of a throat.

“I didn’t think you were daft enough to believe that destroying those photos was not an accident.” he says flatly.

“Well I’m not _fixing_ them, per say. Just trying to--”

“I know I didn’t even want someone like you here, but I really hope that my mother did not hire someone stupid enough to feel like she has to try to fix everything when some things just aren’t meant to be fixed. ”

“Excuse me, are you done?” she says, raising her voice as she pounds her fist on the table. “I’m just doing my job, the job that _your mother_ hired me to do. You don’t have to be an inconsiderate asshole about _everything_. I’m not doing this because I enjoy your company or are even particularly fond of you, I’m doing this because I really need the money. So unless your mother states she doesn’t need me here anymore I’m staying!”

“What are you expecting, Miss Niima? That I’ll want to continue to see images of my best friend and my ex-girlfriend when I just found out that they’re getting married to each other?” he bites, raising his voice slightly to match hers. Neither of them expected him to actually divulge that kind of information, but to Rey it all makes sense. They’re the only ones besides him present in these photos, an ache spreads across her chest at the feeling.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m not particularly forthcoming with that kind of information. But now that you do I’ll tell you. My best friend and my ex-girlfriend have secretly been dating for the last eight months and they just called me to tell me that they’re getting married. Forgive me for not having the most healthy of responses to that kind of news.” 

“I understand. Betrayal...it hurts. But you don’t have to be crude to someone who is just trying to help.” She looks at him like she wants to tell him more but she holds back. He doesn’t deserve to hear her innermost thoughts and experiences, he would only slap them back in her face the next time she did something he found to be stupid. He blinks at her, Rey sighing and staring down at the wooden table in front of her “I’ll just leave them in the drawer then.” she responds morosely, picking up the photographs and walking out of the room, refusing to meet the pair of brown eyes that follow her.


	2. Chapter 2

Things with Ben don’t necessarily improve after their conversation, but Rey does start to notice that he’s not being as cruel to her. His despondency has not wavered as he continues to sulk around the loft, Rey continuing to make herself scarce until she’s needed. She does what she can, organize the kitchen, do the laundry, make the bed, but he pays her no mind. 

On a dreary Sunday afternoon, Ben and Hux are in his room watching the football game (Liverpool vs. Manchester United, apparently _that_ means something) while she reads in the little nook by the window she’s grown to love. The game eventually ends and Hux takes off for the day, reminding Rey to give Ben his pain medication before bed. She walks up behind him as he stares out the large window, watching the pitter patter of the rain.

“Am I needed?” she states flatly. She has recently determined that he’s undeserving of her cheerful attitude and has resorted to a plain dismissive approach that’s vehemently different from her own. 

“It’s perfect movie weather.” he responds with equal flatness. Rey walks over to the cabinet by the large television and scans through the expansive DVD collection. She can feel his eyes watching her, but she focuses on the task at hand, not even asking for suggestions.

“Ooh, you have Les Misérables! It’s one of my all-time favorites.” she turns and smiles, waving the DVD case in her hand.

“Must’ve been from my mother’s collection. I don’t watch musicals.” His voice holds no emotion, as if he’s stating the most mundane thing in the world.

“What? Everyone loves musicals! You’ll love it, I know you will.”

“Niima…” he begins with a warning.

“Please, please, please! Pretty please, with a cherry on top?” Her eyes are wide and she begins bouncing up and down like a young child begging their parents to take them to the sweets shop. He watches her, his mouth in a tight line before it momentarily twitches upward.

“Fine. I’ll give it 20 minutes. If I hate it, we’re changing it.” he sighs. Rey squeals with excitement, popping the disc into the player and sitting on the couch next to him. 

Two hours and forty minutes later, the final chorus of the last song is blaring from the streets of Paris, Rey singing along softly to herself with a glassy look in her eyes. She’s been so enamored with the film, she hasn’t even noticed that Ben has been stealing glances of her throughout. She has such a light childlike joy about her, like even the most mundane things are exciting to her. He can’t say he ever felt as much joy as she feels about anything in his whole life, even before the accident. The credits begin to roll and she scoots herself to face his side, a kilowatt grin on her face. 

“Sooooo...what did ya think?” she smirks, raising her eyebrows. 

“It was...tolerable.”

“Save the melodrama, Solo. You liked it! It’s a beautiful story of redemption and sacrificing for what you believe in and -- if you’re laughing at me, I _swear_ I’ll push you out of that chair!” she laughs, realizing that he’s smiling at her. He can’t deny that it’s only somewhat true, watching her go into a fit of passion about a movie.

“I’m not laughing at you, Niima. The sun's out. Let’s go get some air.” he offers quietly, his feeble smile turning into a full blown smirk. 

-

The gardens are quiet albeit some birds chirping in the distance and the soft motor of Ben’s electric wheelchair. Rey follows in step with him slowly, admiring the lush greenery and the blossoming flowers planted around the garden. They haven’t spoken since they came outside, but Rey’s tongue is itching with questions she’s dying to know about this mysterious man.

“How does a girl at the ripe old age of…”

“Twenty five.” she supplies.

“...twenty five come to work the most boring job in the most boring town in the countryside? What do you do with yourself when you’re not in my brooding presence?”

She giggles, happy that he at least has some sense of humor. She stammers for a moment, what does she do with her life? “I spend time with my family. I go to the pub with some friends once in a while. I read, a lot...probably more than a normal person would. And I like playing around with clothes and fashion.”

“Ah yes... _fashion_.” he muses, his voice dripping with dry sarcasm. His eyes survey her, today’s ensemble is a choice of a watercolor print shift dress, sheer tights and bright pink wellies. She scoffs at him with a laugh, playfully smacking his shoulder. “Well, I’ve gotta hand it to you, Niima. Your life is far more boring than mine.” 

“Well, I’ve seen your day to day. You’re not particularly busy yourself.” she laughs, a small smirk on his face. 

“I suppose it’s...lost its appeal.” he says, his voice a little more solemn now. What ever witty banter they just had has dissipated, a thinly veiled sadness between them. The question that’s been on her mind since day one looms over her head, and now seems as good a time as any to ask.

“May I ask...what happened?” she questions timidly. They’ve both stopped on the far end of the garden in front of a stone bench, Rey taking a seat in front of Ben to face him. His jaw is tight as he ruminates with the idea of coming clean to her.

“A year ago I was in a car accident. Not so much that I was in the car, as I was hit by a car running across the street. I woke up that morning in the bed of my Kensington loft next to a woman who I thought was the love of my life, a successful job, an active social circle...and the next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital bed with no feeling in my limbs.” Rey doesn’t know how to respond, what do you say to someone who lost their entire way of life in mere seconds? She hangs her head low, her fingers fiddling in her lap. “So what’s your story, Niima? It’s only fair now that I’ve shared mine.”

“My story…” she begins, biting her lower lip. “I was left at the hospital when I was about four years old. Went for a check up and got left behind. I think my parents were on drugs or alcohol or something, probably thought I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore. I was in the foster system for a bit until I was adopted by Maz and Chewie. They’ve adopted a few kids since then, my younger sister Rose and my older brother Finn, so I _guess_ I have the family I always wanted. But yeah…” she trails off when she looks up and sees Ben studying her. His usually dark brown eyes look almost whiskey colored in the sun, a soft and almost sympathetic scowl on his face. 

“Your parents didn’t deserve you. They’re the scum of the Earth and you’re better off without them. Don’t ever think that you’re to blame for their mistakes. Do you hear me, Niima?” His voice is stern and commanding, but the softness behind them blooms warmth across Rey’s chest. She nods, a microscopic smile on her lips. He offers her a similar one in return as the breeze continues to rustle through the fall afternoon. 

-

Autumn passes and winter comes quickly, Rey quickly has noticed a slight fever settling across Ben’s cheeks. She thought nothing of it when she first came into his room in the afternoon to bring him some water, but she quickly became concerned with the sheen of sweat across his forehead that caused his long hair to stick to the sides of his face. Her heart begins to beat rapidly as she sheds the blankets around him before running into the kitchen to grab a cool washcloth. Ben slips in and out of sleep as she pats his head with the cloth, mumbling incoherent sounds before falling back asleep. She’s tried to ring Hux for the past hour now but every time it’s gone to voicemail. Leia is out for the day in London, also unresponsive on her cellphone. Rey’s starting to panic, especially when she hears Ben groaning softly while his eyes flutter open.

“Ben? Is there anything I can do?” she asks pensively.

“My neck. Can you adjust the pillow?” he mumbles softly, barely audible. He must see the way she tenses up at the thought of touching him. “Don’t worry Niima, it’s already broken. Just be gentle.”

Even when he’s sick he still manages to be a sarcastic ass, Rey scoffing in a huff of laughter. She sinks her knees in the bed, cowering over him as she tentatively wraps her hands around the back of his neck. His eyes watch her the whole time, Ben wincing and sucking in his breath for a second.

“ _Fuck_ , what? What happened?” she panics, almost certain that she’s made him worse.

He pauses for a moment. “Your hands are cold.” he states before flashing a quick smirk.

“God, you’re a real tosser you know that.” she chuckles half-serious, shaking her head as she moves back to adjust him. It’s the most minuscule movement but it must do the trick, Ben sighing in approval. She gets up from the bed and turns towards the door when she manages to catch his soft voice.

“Stay.” His voice is faint, Rey unbelieving that this man who’s treated her so coldly can manage to look so soft in this moment. She nods her head, sitting on the edge of the bed near his feet. “Tell me something good.”

She smiles, thinking of some fond memories she can say to cheer him up. “Okay, well if I tell you this you might think I’m insane.”

“That ship has sailed, Niima.” he grins. She rolls her eyes and chuckles.

“Okay, well when I was having a bad day...I would ask my dad, my adopted dad Chewie, to make the noises from our favorite Galaxy Wars character. Chewbacca, hence the nickname...his real name is Charles.” He’s smirking as she tells this story clumsily, watching her eyes light up as she explains everything. “Anyway, it would make me laugh so hard and then I would do it with him and we’d be in my room together making these absurd noises until we're both crying with laughter.” He raises his brows pointedly at her with a silent question. “You’re gonna make me do it aren’t you?” she asks in defeat.

“It’s only fair that I get the full experience.”

She begins garbling the throaty sounds of the character, breaking out into laughter until she’s practically doubled over. Ben watches her with a chuckle of his own, dimples that she hasn’t seen before peeking from behind his facial hair.

“Okay, remind me to never ask you to do that again.” he chuckles, closing his eyes and scrunching his nose. 

“I think what you meant to say was ‘Thank you, Rey, for attempting to entertain me.’” she giggles, pointing her nose in the air. 

“Thank you... _Rey_.” he whispers softly, looking at her with soft eyes and a smile to match. It’s the first time he’s called her by her first name, and she can’t deny that she loves the way it sounds coming from his deep and soothing voice. They continue to banter until Hux finally shows up, taking over caring for his symptoms as Rey makes her way home for the night. She chances one last glance over her shoulder, only to find the familiar pair of amber eyes offering her an unfamiliar look of kindness. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Han, I can’t just stand to the side and watch my only son throw his life away!” Leia yells from the sitting room. Rey really should _not_ be eavesdropping on this conversation, but as she descends the staircase with a basket of laundry tucked under her arm the loud voices and mentions of Ben pique her curiosity. 

“Leia, we made an agreement with Ben. _Six months_. You know how he is, once he has his mind set on something there’s very little we can do to change it.” she hears the gruff voice of Ben’s father say. She’s only met him briefly a few times, always busy or moody or on his way to or from something. 

“I only agreed so that we’d have six months to change his mind!” she cries out, her voice cracking at the end. “I can’t believe that you agree to let our son end his life!”

“I would rather have that than him risk him trying it on his own... _again_. You know how much pain he’s in.”

“If he would only listen to me and go for that clinical study at Cambridge--”

“Leia, he’s my son too. And all we can do is support him, whatever he decides.”

The tears have welled up in her eyes as she drops the laundry basket and bursts out the door into the back garden. She rests her hand on her forehead as she tries to collect her uneven breathing. Ben... _ending_ his own life? It’s unfathomable for her to even think about it, to not have him in her life. They’ve only known each other for a little over two months and she’s finally starting to find him the highlight of her day. His sarcastic remarks and the way he looks at her when she laughs or…

_No_. She can’t let him do this. She heard Leia mention something about a clinical study, it most likely can’t cure him but maybe it’s something that can give him the quality of life he deserves. She has to do everything in her power to convince him that this life is worth living...maybe even a life with her in it.

-

Rey’s research on ways to make Ben enjoy life is thorough and exhausting, pulling up every travel book and adventure blog she can find. She meets privately with Leia one afternoon to discuss her plan, Leia slightly mortified that Rey had to find out this way. She eventually let’s Rey in on the details of Ben's plan, for him to go to Switzerland to undergo medically assisted suicide in four months time. Rey’s lip quivers at the thought of losing him like this so she has a plan of her own. Leia’s nonetheless supportive of any attempt of being able to save her son, and therefore approves a series of excursions and trips that Rey and Ben will go on in hopes of persuading him. Of course neither of them will reveal this plan; although she knows little about Ben Solo, she knows he will never agree to any of these things under the reasoning they’re for. 

“You want to go to The National Gallery?” Ben asks quizzically when she presents him the tickets.

“Yeah! I’ve never gone, Hux has never gone, surely you’ve never gone...and it’s quintessential English history. It’ll be fun!”

“I don’t know, Niima…”

“Pleaseeeee?” she whines, hopping around his chair like a petulant child before dropping to her knees in front of him. If he’s startled by her enthusiasm he doesn’t make it known, only a small quirk of his brow as he stares down at her gives him away to actually consider it. 

“Ugh, okay fine.” he acquiesces with a sigh. Rey squeals excitedly, Hux laughing and shaking his head from the other corner of the room. She looks up at him hopefully, her heart beating a little faster when he gives her a microscopic smirk.

-

The day at the museum ends up being quite...eventful. The train into Trafalgar Square ends up being delayed, the entrance into the museum ends up being incredibly crowded and just barely accessible, and the exhibition for _Titian: Love, Desire and Death_ was unexpectedly closed for the day. But all roadblocks aside, it ended up being a lovely afternoon. Rey kept a leisurely pace next to Ben as he slowly maneuvered through the rooms to admire the paintings and sculptures. 

She occasionally catches glances of him mid-admiration, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly as his eyes study the piece in front of him carefully. What Rey doesn’t know is that Ben does the same for her, watching her with similar admiration as she reads every information card and practically presses her face to every glass display case. He chuckles softly when Rey gets sternly told off by the security guard for getting too close to one of the marble statues, his chuckle morphing into a full blown laugh when she makes a silly mocking face when the guard turns his back on her. When she turns back to him all she gives him is a soft dimpled smile, and he’s slowly starting to realize how much this girl is having an affect on him.

-

“I can’t believe you got Rey to convince you to go to a concert.” Hux muses, adjusting the bowtie on Ben’s suit. 

“I’m still trying to figure out exactly how that happened myself.” he deadpans in response. Yes, it would seem this enigma of a woman has managed to do a lot of things he wouldn’t normally do. Watch musicals, go to museums, finally shave his scraggly depression beard (he’s never been more nervous than watching Rey drag a razor across his face with the utmost concentration), and now a _concert_. Not the rock or EDM concerts of his previous life, this one is all about the classical music of Pachelbel. Never in his life would he ever think that a fun night out would be at a stuffy old theater listening to classical music with a beaut--

The front door creaks open, Rey’s head poking out before the rest of her body. He turns fully to look at her, his eyes going slightly wide at the sight before him. Her short brown hair is down in loose waves, her lithe frame wrapped in a deep red fit and flare dress. She’s donning a scalloped off the shoulder neckline that displays her gorgeous collarbones and shoulders, the dress tapered at her tiny waist before fanning out halfway down her thighs. She has a nervous smile on her face, her brows scrunched together as she watches him watch her. 

“Is it too much?” she asks nervously, swiveling her waist to allow the fabric to sway in the breeze. Ben stifles a cough when Hux puts his hand on his shoulder, a silent reminder to actually form coherent words in response.

“No. It’s perfect.” he murmurs, a soft smile across his lips and a cherishing look in his eyes.

-

The concert itself doesn’t actually end up being as boring as he thought it would, he would even consider it mildly pleasant. What made it all the more bearable was the fact that he had a beautiful girl sitting next to him, completely enthralled by the whole thing. He spends more time watching her from the corner of his eye, her bright hazel eyes trying to capture as much of the venue, performers and fellow patrons with unabashed delight. His breath hitches slightly about halfway through the performance when she gently rests her hand atop his. It momentarily frustrates him that he can’t actually feel what he imagines to be a soft and warm touch against his skin, but just being able to see it allows him to imagine. 

“I’m just saying...I totally think I could learn to play the obo!” Rey giggles as the car pulls into the gravel driveway of the manor. 

“I’ve heard you sing, Niima. I wouldn’t exactly call you musically gifted.” he states with his signature composed sarcasm. 

She begins to open the drivers side door next to her as she continues rambling. “You know when I put my mind to something I can--”

“Niima, _wait_.” he states, closing his eyes. She stops and looks over to him curiously with slight panic.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Her voice is soft but her tone is hasty, wondering if he’s in any pain or discomfort.

He sighs, pausing for a moment. “I just...I don’t want to go in yet. I just want to be a man who’s gone to a concert with a pretty girl in a red dress...for just a little while longer.” he mutters, his eyes set forward.

Rey nods her head slowly even though she knows he’s not looking at her. She gently shuts her door and faces forward in the driver's seat, content on the comfortable silence between them. 

-

This is weird, this is _so weird_. Never in a million years would she expect Ben Solo to be sitting in her dining room having dinner with her family for her birthday. What had started as a very casual mention of her upcoming birthday as they did their morning stroll around the gardens a few days ago turned into a casual invitation for him to join her and her family for a very simple birthday dinner at her house. She had expected a kind but firm no from him, completely understanding that he has no obligation to do anything for her outside of her work. He surprisingly accepted the invitation, and now here he is eating turkey, green beans and mashed potatoes with her family.

Maz and Chewie have been nothing but kind and welcoming as soon as he entered their small house. Maz is such a tiny thing and Chewie is like a big teddy bear she’s almost certain that Ben was confused and a little amused by the whole dynamic, but he didn’t make it known. Rose had come home from college and Finn had managed to get away from his corporate life in London to both be there for her birthday and meet him. 

“This meal is fantastic, thank you.” Ben offers politely about halfway through the meal. Rey has been alternating between feeding herself and feeding him, but she doesn’t mind. She likes the little side eye look he gives her when she puts the fork up to his mouth, watching the food disappear past his full lips and his structured jaw moving rhythmically as he chews.

“Of course, Ben. I’m so glad that you’ve been taking such good care of our Rey.” Maz says with a smile.

“So Ben,” Finn begins. “Your name gets whispered throughout the tech industry as one of the greatest and most ruthless businessmen that First Order Industries ever had. Do you miss it?”

“ _Finn_.” Rey mutters through gritted teeth. She can understand why her older brother would be a bit protective of her, but that doesn’t give him any right to bring up his past.

“It’s alright, Rey.” Ben chuckles with a smile before looking over to Finn from across the table. “It was definitely an eventful time in my life but I’ve put it behind me. I’ve recently realized that there are a lot more important things than crunching numbers and signing contracts.” Rey notices that Ben is looking at her again with a soft almost minuscule smile on his face, Rey blushing and looking down at her plate. 

“I agree with you, Ben.” Chewie pipes up in his gruff voice. “Before I got laid off from the coal mines, I was thinking about how it wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Breaking my back everyday for what? I know that when I get a new job it’s gonna be something that I can be proud of and still provide for my family.” Chewie looks longingly at Maz from the other head of the table, Maz offering her a warm smile and a nod. Ben looks over to him with a smile, and a look that Rey can’t quite discern. 

They all move to the living room once dinner is done so that Rey can open her presents. She gets an adorably handmade scrapbook of photos from Maz and Chewie, a beautiful golden locket from Rose and a series of books from Rey’s favorite author in their original publication from Finn. She can’t stop smiling as she hugs every family member one by one, thanking them for their kindness. 

“There’s also something from me, it's in the box next to my bag.” Ben states softly, his eyes motioning over to the corner by the front door. Hux had dropped him off so she hadn’t even noticed that he’d brought something for her, so she’s shocked and excited at the idea of Ben picking out a present for her. The box is rather large which makes her nervous, she knows that Ben has money and hopes that he hasn’t spent a considerable amount on her. She unceremoniously tears open the wrapping paper and opens the lid, gasping in excitement. She reveals a pair of sparkly rose gold wellies and practically squeals with joy. The room ooh’s and ah’s at the rare sight.

“Oh, those look like the ones from when you were a child!” Maz laughs.

“Yes! I--oh my goodness, how did you find these?” Rey asks Ben excitedly. She recalls a random conversation they had one rainy afternoon over lunch, about how she had this pair of sparkly rose gold wellies that she loved for the life of her and refused to ever take off. She was devastated when she outgrew them and was never able to find an adult version of them anywhere. She can’t believe that he would even remember a simple story like that, and that he was thoughtful enough to seek them out for her birthday.

“Don’t worry about it, you deserve it.” he chuckles. “Happy birthday, Rey.” he says softly, looking at her with another one of those indescribable looks. Maz soon brings out her birthday cake, but as her family begins to sing to her Rey’s focus is on the remarkable man in front of her. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Ben, I don’t know about this…” Rey says nervously chewing on her bottom lip. She’s been looking between Ben’s unimpressionable face and the gold-foiled cardstock for almost ten minutes. _Poe and Bazine’s Wedding_ , it reads in beautiful calligraphy.

“Niima, I have to go to this. And I know it’s going to be agonizingly boring...but with you it might be less so.”

“Wow, a compliment? You must be really desperate.” she snorts, crossing her arms over her chest with a smirk. He tries to keep a stoic face before his own small smirk appears.

“Ha ha very funny. But c’mon, we’ll drink expensive champagne and you can wear one of those quirky dresses that you like--”

“Quirky?” she chuckles, shaking her head. She can see it in his eyes, how painful it will be for him to sit there and watch his ex-girlfriend get married to his best friend. And the fact that he wants her there as company...she tries to ignore the hope in his eyes. “ _Fine_. I’ll go with you.”

He nods with a smile on his face, his eyes momentarily surveying her in her baby blue floral dress, white frilly socks and oxfords. It’s not a judgemental mocking look like she now comes to expect with her choice in fashion, but something else she can’t quite put her finger on. And she’s not quite sure she’s ready to find out just yet.

-

It’s a beautiful late spring day when Ben and Rey pull up to the garden of one of the local castles. She can see two large tents set up next to rows of exposed seating and a floral archway. Rey giggles when her heel gets momentarily stuck in the grass as Ben wheels next to her with no discernible expression. She can tell that he’s decided to don the cold mask that she had the unfortunate privilege of meeting at the beginning of all this, but all she can do is hope to be a positive part of the day for him. 

Rey has to admit the ceremony is beautifully done. The bride, Bazine, is beautiful as she walks down the aisle with her long black hair curled naturally against the exposed collarbone of her strapless gown. The groom, Poe, is smitten with his bride, even wiping a single tear as she makes her way down the aisle. They exchange vows and are humbly married as husband and wife. The hopeless romantic in Rey tries to enjoy the ceremony while also being attuned to the slight anguish Ben feels as he sits next to her. She only notices his face momentarily crumpling during Bazine’s vows about loving Poe forever, and all Rey can do is delicately place her hand on top of his as a sign of comfort. This seems to calm him, the cold blank stare of his mask managing to stay up for the rest of the ceremony.

Things seem to lighten up at the reception, Ben chuckling while Rey attempts to feed him a raspberry macaroon while also trying to sip on her champagne. They run into some of Ben’s friends from London, all of them friendly enough but still somewhat despondent to his new life. _Remember all the good times we had?_ one of his friends had boasted with joy. It makes Rey a little angry that they’re treating him like the ‘good times’ were a thing in the past. She desperately wants to scream _he’s disabled not dead!_ but doesn’t feel that it would be appropriate for the setting.

They’re sitting at one of the circular reception tables when the bride and groom make their rounds to them.

“Ben!” Bazine says excitedly, bending over to give him an awkward side hug. “We’re so glad you could make it.”

“Congratulations, I’m happy for both of you.” he says as politely as possible, a small forced smile on his lips. “Poe, Bazine, this is Rey Niima.” She shares a pleasant greeting and congratulations with each of them. It’s cordial enough making small talk with them but Rey can sense the general glaze behind their eyes, as if they’ve forgotten all about Ben and the fact that at one point in their lives they cared for him. It breaks her heart but she tries not to let her smile waver, eventually wishing them off as they go to mingle with the rest of their guests. Once they’re out of site she plops back into the seat next to him, sighing as she picks at a slice of cake.

“That wasn’t too bad.” she muses with a smirk.

“Speak for yourself.” Ben states with dry sarcasm. She giggles, noticing that the music has shifted to soft romantic melody, the dance floor clearing all but a few couples slow dancing. Rey has a spontaneous idea, one can’t help but expressing.

“Dance with me?” she asks shyly, cocking her head to the side to smile at him. Although he faces forward, she watches him side-eye her with a microscopic smile, his neck barely nudging as a silent acceptance. She squeals, carefully climbing up on his lap to allow her feet to dangle off to the side. She wraps her arm around his side for purchase as he wheels them towards the dancefloor, slowly spinning his chair from side to side. 

“Come closer...you smell fantastic.” he murmurs, causing Rey to burst in a fit of shy giggles.

“You just want me to get _these_ closer to you!” she laughs, motioning at her chest with her eyes. She can’t deny that she wore her lilac tea dress because she knew that it showed off _just enough_ cleavage to get Ben’s attention. And she also can’t deny that she’s had enough glasses of champagne to be able to admit she’d do just about _anything_ to get Ben’s attention.

“You know you would’ve never let those so near to me if I wasn’t in a wheelchair.” he whispers when she leans close enough for his lips to just barely graze her ear. It sends a shiver down her spine, listening to his deliciously deep voice talk about her body.

“Well to be fair, you wouldn't even be looking at these if you’d never been in a wheelchair. You’d have some gorgeous slinky blonde on your arm and I’d be in the corner eating my feelings in cream puffs.” she laughs, absentmindedly tucking a stray piece of hair out of his face.

He looks as if to refute her before giving her an acquiesced sigh, raising his eyebrows with laughter. “That’s only half true. I would be very attracted to you…” he cuts himself off with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. Rey is actually giddy with laughter, clutching to him tighter as she suppresses the rising heat in her cheeks. “Please ignore that. I swear I haven’t had that much to drink…”

“Uh huh, sure.” she jokes, smirking at him as she leans herself a little closer. 

“I’m really glad you’re here. Probably wouldn’t have survived this alone.”

“I’ll always be here for you.” she whispers with a smile, her face only inches away from his.

“You know something, Niima? You’re pretty much the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning.” His voice is low and serious, but his eyes are filled with adoration and hope. That look squeezes Rey’s heart, an earnest smile spreading across her lips. 

“Let’s go somewhere, just the two of us.” she whispers, laying her palm softly on his cheek. She doesn’t know if she means right at this very moment in the middle of a wedding or down the line on an exotic island far away from here, but she wants to have Ben Solo all to herself.

He practically zooms them out of the tent, Rey squealing with delight as the chair bumps over rocks and dirt making their way down the secluded side of the garden that opens into a grassy meadow. They enjoy the silent comfort of Rey nuzzling into his lap, looking up at the stars as Rey leans her head on Ben’s shoulder. At this moment everything seems perfect, like a photograph in the story of their lives. Rey is utterly content feeling the rise and fall of Ben’s chest like a lullaby. What she does next is on pure instinct, leaning up to face Ben directly, putting his face in her hands and bend forward to press her lips to his. It’s gentle and delicate and perfect, Ben kissing her back like a man cherishing this moment in time. If it were possible for fireworks to spark from her chest they most certainly would have as they continue to kiss under the stars. 

-

The day started as any normal Tuesday; it was her day off from being at the house with Ben, so she’d had a cup of tea on the front porch in the morning and then trekked to town to check out the new vintage thrift store that had opened a few weeks ago. Maz is at home baking a tart while Chewie is at work as the head of maintenance at Berkhamsted Castle (yes, Ben offered her father a job that makes more money than her family has ever had the luxury of having). Everything changes as she takes a call while perusing the jumpers, her phone nearly falling out of her hand as her brain attempts to comprehend Hux’s words.

Everything else is a blur until she bursts through the double doors of the hospital, her eyes wide and searching until she sees Hux and Han standing around a bay of chairs. She can hear her racing pulse in her ears, trying to catch her breath as she reaches the group. As she gets closer she can see a large open window revealing Ben laying in one of the hospital beds with Leia sitting at his side.

“What happened?” Rey mutters to Hux, trying to keep her composure.

“Pneumonia. It’s something that he’s susceptible to due to his condition but this time is pretty bad.” Hux explains, putting a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. She tries not to look as horrified as she feels, she doesn’t know much about medicine and science but pneumonia is a scary word to her. All she can do is nod and turn back to the window. 

Despite her fears, she bucks up the courage to walk into his room after about half an hour of fidgeting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. The door creaks open and Leia looks up at her with a weary smile. 

“Hi, Rey.” she whispers. Leia turns to look at her son, causing Rey to follow her line of sight. She remembers that time that he had a fever a few months ago, but somehow this looks more serious. His eyes are closed, his face pale and stoic, his lips pressed into a thin line under a clear oxygen mask. His hair hangs haphazardly around his face, a small peek of a hospital gown showing from the edge of the blanket he has on. Soft beeps and whirring noises come from the various machines he’s attached to, Rey trying not to wince all the tubes and wires coming from his hand that's outside the blanket resting next to Leia’s.

“Do you want me to take over for a bit? You can go get a bite to eat or something?” Rey offers softly, clutching her handbag a little closer on her shoulder. A little part of her is selfishly asking for time alone with him, to be able to sit with him and enjoy his company...just in case --

“I would love going home to have a shower.” she sighs. “Will you be alright here alone?” she asks, standing up and smoothing out her blouse. Rey nods, accepting Leia’s hug before she’s shutting the door behind her. She deposits her handbag on a hook in the corner of the room, walking around to the window on the other side of his bed because she’s too fidgety to sit right now. Chewing at her bottom lip, she crosses her arms over her chest and chances a glance at him every couple of minutes. After a few times, she gasps when a pair of familiar brown eyes are staring back at her through hooded lids.

“Ben.” she whispers, slowly coming around to sit at the edge of the bed. 

“Rey. What are you doing here?” he groans, his voice barely a whisper behind the mask. 

“Well, I heard your window had the best view in the entire hospital. Had to see it for myself.” she says softly with a smirk. He closes his eyes and lets out a labored sound that she can only discern at his attempt at a laugh. 

“Sorry, Niima. Don’t really have enough ‘witty’ in me today.” he mutters, his eyes following her as she leans forward to brush a tendril of hair out of his face.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got enough for the both of us.” she smiles, her voice quiet and careful. Another amused sound escapes him, and she relaxes at the thought that he isn’t upset that she’s trying to make him smile. 

She allows her finger to linger for a moment before softly placing her palm along his cheek, almost exactly like the way she did before they kissed under the stars. They hadn’t had much chance to talk about it since, and it doesn’t seem appropriate to bring it up here of all places. So she just offers him a comforting look, moving the hand from his cheek to under his hand, allowing herself to just hold it there. His eyes flutter shut, leaving her to her concerned thoughts of the future. 


	5. Chapter 5

_Time is running out._ He might end his life. _Time is running out_. I need to convince him that he still has a life worth living. _Time is running out_. 

A life with _me_.

Rey is snapped out of her thoughts when Ben enters the room that he and his parents were just conversing in. Even though she was the one who came up with the idea and talked to Han and Leia about it, she couldn’t bring herself to be in the room in case he said no. A week long stay in the French Riviera was the best Rey could come up with, something that was close enough that the doctors would approve the travel but luxurious enough that they would enjoy themselves. 

She had included Hux in the plan for the obvious reason that he was Ben’s healthcare provider, but also because she now considered him a good friend and he also deserved a trip like this. Leia had met this request with astounding approval, thinking that it would be a good way for her son to remember the fond memories he had of traveling the world. She said she would arrange the family’s private jet (because _of course_ the Solo’s had a private jet) and a stay in a villa in Peymeinade that had belonged to her father many years ago. With the logistics in place it was all up to whether Ben would be okay with it. She looked at him nervously as his chair whirred its way in front of her, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“The French Riviera?” he deadpans. Rey can’t help but smirk at his typical dry humor. “Why?”

“Because I’ve never been. And Hux has never been either. _And_ the doctors said that you’re okay to travel. So why don’t we get out of the dreariness of England and go somewhere... _beautiful_.” she expresses passionately, her arms spreading wide to punctuate the end of her sentence. There’s a hint of something in his eyes before his mouth curves into a fond smile. 

“Fine.” he chuckles, Rey bouncing up from her seat and squealing with surprise. She’s so overcome with emotion that she hugs him and presses a kiss to his cheek, both of them blushing incessantly when they realize it. Rey continues to babble excitedly to herself as Ben watches her with a wistful look in his eyes. 

\- 

Rey Niima considers herself a pretty chatty person, and after knowing her for the last five months Ben would begrudgingly agree. But for the first time in her life, Rey has been rendered speechless. She was still able to form small words and audible noises when she stepped into the Solo’s private jet that morning, completely in awe of every bit and piece of the entire thing. The leather seats, the cup holders, the lovely stewardess who would bring them champagne and snacks. Rey can’t even remember the last time she was on a plane, her body practically vibrating with nerves and excitement. Ben watches her from across the small table at the joy on Rey’s face. She practically presses her face against the window when they take off, her eyes almost never leaving the aerial view the entire flight. 

When they land in France almost two hours later, she seems to get her bearings again, thanking the stewardess and pilot as they come down from the plane. She seems uncharacteristically shy in the car ride from the airport to the villa, a blush appearing on her cheeks every time she looks up to meet Ben’s eyes. It’s only when they reach the gates of their Peymeinade villa (which let’s be honest, was more like an actual castle) does she completely lose the ability to formulate words. From the massive marble foyer, to the large suite bedrooms with their own balconies, to the gloriously giant pool in the garden overlooking the actual ocean...it’s all too much for Rey to handle. She guffaws at every little thing as the butler shows them around; Rey is extra thankful that there are accessible accommodations to the house such as an elevator and walk in showers, knowing that she won’t have to worry as much about Ben. When they finally settle in the late afternoon, Rey begins unpacking some of Ben’s things in his room.

“I have to say, the silence is starting to worry me, Niima. I’ve never been so simultaneously relieved to have some peace and quiet while also missing your incessant chatting.” Ben smirks as he watches her unload his trunk into the wardrobe. She turns to look at him, scoffing as she puts her hands on her hips in faux indignance. She’s unable to keep the facade up for long before she’s bursting into a giddy fit of laughter and shaking her head. 

“I’m just... _really_ happy.” she sighs, a huge smile bursting across her face. He returns one back, not as big, but a smile all the same. “Are you? Are you happy, Ben?”

“The most I’ve been in a long time.” he mutters softly, his amber eyes warmly bearing into her soul. She fights the urge to crawl into his lap and kiss him like she did a few weeks ago, but she can see that he just might want her to. 

-

The first few days of the trip are spent in blissful laziness, the three of them having breakfast in the morning together on the patio before lounging out by the pool for the majority of the day. She keeps Ben comfortable on one of the lounge chairs under an umbrella, tilting it up so that he can keep a good view of the surroundings. They alternate from talking, reading, sunbathing and sleeping in two neighboring lounge chairs as Hux swims laps and attempts crazy dives and tricks. He eventually coaxes Rey to jump off the diving board in the deep end and she’s absolutely terrified. She stands on the edge of the board, shrieking nervously in her neon pink bikini as Hux eggs her on from inside the pool.

“No, I can’t do it!” Rey squeals, shuddering with fear and laughter.

“You can! I got you!” Hux yells from the water. She turns to look at Ben who’s watching her with a devilish smirk.

“Jump in the water, Niima. That’s an order from your boss.” he jokes dryly. She can see the glint of humor in his eyes from here and it ignites something deep in her that she can’t refuse. She takes a deep breath, screaming as she runs down the board and jumps straight into the water. The cold hits her immediately and she bubbles up to the surface, sputtering with laughter as Hux whoops in approval. 

“Oh my god, that was amazing! Why didn’t you make me do that earlier?” she yells excitedly, swimming up to the edge and pushing herself out of the pool with the biggest smile on her face. All Ben can do is chuckle, his smile bright and dimples prominent. 

“I don’t know, Niima. Maybe you’ll remember to listen to me more often.” he remarks with a smirk. Rey has been donning various bikinis and sundresses throughout their stay in Peymeinade, and it’s not lost on her the wild look in Ben’s eyes at her from behind his dark sunglasses. He seems especially fixated on the water droplets cascading down her tanned skin as she stands in front of them, his tongue popping out to momentarily wet his lips. Ben must not realize how much he’s staring until his eyes meet hers, his cheeks immediately going pink as he attempts to divert his attention. All she can do is shake her head and giggle at him before diving back into the crystal clear water. 

\- 

The nightly rainstorms are apparently quite common in the south of France this time of year, but Rey can’t help but be utterly entranced watching it from Ben’s room. He has the balcony doors wide open, the pitter patter of the rain and the cool breeze filling the comfortable silence between them as she adjusts his head onto the pillows. As she cups his neck in her hand she lifts his face just mere inches from hers, trying to focus on adjusting the pillows instead of his mesmerizing gaze on her. When she gently sets his head back down, she allows her hand to linger on his skin for a moment longer, her fingertips gently brushing the hair at the nape of his neck. They share an understanding look with each other before Rey stands up straight and attempts to walk away.

“ _Rey_...” he whispers, looking up at her. “Don’t go back to your room tonight.” Her heart flutters wildly in her chest as she nods and slowly climbs onto the soft bed. She tucks herself into his side, absentmindedly twirling a tendril of his hair as she watches him watch the rain. 

After a while of blissful peace, he turns his head as much as he can to gaze at her, his eyes focused on her lips in a way she can’t ignore. She raises herself up on her elbow so that she’s just barely leaning over him, slowly getting closer and closer until his eyes flutter shut. Their lips meet softly, Rey just barely separating them for a moment before she presses hers to his again. It’s so unrushed, like they have all the time in the world to enjoy the feeling of one another in the little paradise they’ve created. Ben’s tongue eventually pries open her lips as he deepens the kiss, Rey resting her hand gently on his cheek as her thumb draws circles on his skin. 

“I want to see you… _please_...” Ben mutters against her lips. Her heart is beating a million miles a minute as she sits back on her legs to remove the white sundress she’s been wearing without a bra before tugging her panties off. She let’s the cool breeze and his longing stare instantly light up every nerve in her body. He lets out a low approving growl as his eyes flick across her skin, intent on memorizing every inch of her with his eyes.

Rey climbs into his lap, sitting up on her knees so that her breasts are in line with Ben’s face. He seems to sigh in relief that she understands his needs without asking, instantly pressing open mouthed kisses to her breast before taking as much of her as he can fit in his mouth. Her hand threads into his hair at the back of his head for stability and guidance, a soft moan escaping her lips as he swirls his tongue across the tight bud of her nipple. Her head tilts back as he lavishes her, his own moans vibrating against her skin.

Eventually Rey removes the blanket between them so that she can rock against his lap. He mutters words about wanting to make her feel good, even if he may not be able to come himself. 

“I want you, Rey. I’ve wanted you almost from the first day I met you. You do so much and you make me so happy... _please_ let me make you feel good.” he practically pleads as she cups his face in her hands. She could cry from how this beautifully sweet and gentle man is looking at her, but instead she kisses him soundly as one of her hands slides down to feel him through his sleeping pants. Pushing the waistband down to his knees, she rubs herself against his half-hard erection and begins to kiss down the column of his throat. 

She sinks herself onto him and shuts her eyes at the feeling, unable to see Ben’s look of bewilderment and the slack jaw to match it as he watches her. Rey slowly rocks herself onto him, just enjoying the feeling as he mutters sweet nothings in her ear and against her lips. 

“ _Ben_...you’re so good. You take such good care of me. You make me so happy…” she sighs as she reaches the precipice of her climax. She whimpers out his name, and to Ben it's the sweetest note in the most beautiful song he’s ever heard. They both sigh contently as she rests her cheek on his chest, leaving lazy kisses on his skin as her breath begins to even out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick side note on this chapter: I did not have enough prior knowledge on what the constraints of disabled people (especially quadriplegics) having sex, so I had to do my research before writing this chapter. Here’s the articles I read; of course they don’t speak for everyone but it was what I found to be helpful.
> 
> https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.self.com/story/this-is-what-its-like-to-have-sex-as-a-quadriplegic/amp
> 
> https://craighospital.org/resources/sexual-function-for-men-after-spinal-cord-injury
> 
> https://www.christopherreeve.org/living-with-paralysis/health/sexual-health/sexual-health-for-men


	6. Chapter 6

The full moon is reflecting beautifully against the dark water of the ocean, Rey gleefully dipping her feet at the lapping waves. They’ve come down to the private beach just in front of the villa, Ben sitting at the dock a few feet away just admiring her joy. It’s their last night in Peymeinade, and especially after what they had last night she may never want to go home. It’s almost as if he’s glowing from something other than the much needed sun exposure, like he’s aura feels lighter as he smiles and watches her kick the water at her feet.

“I just never want to leave…” Rey sighs, tilting her head back as she spins around slowly. There’s music playing softly from the house a few yards away, Rey starting to slowly dance toward Ben as he chuckles at how ridiculously cute she is.

“You are truly something else, Niima.” he laughs when she eventually climbs into his lap to give him a kiss. She hums happily as she threads her fingers through his hair, but he stops their kiss short with a pained look on his face. He looks down with a scowl as his brows knit together and Rey instantly feels the tension shift.

“Ben?” she asks softly, bringing her hand down to the back of his neck.

“I have to tell you something.” he mutters, his voice strained. Rey feels it, the moment of truth. He’s going to come clean about his six month plan, the plan that Rey has known about and has been actively working to reverse for almost five of those months. She hopes she’s done enough.

“I know...I _know_ about Switzerland.” she stammers, watching the color disappear from Ben’s face as his eyes go wide. “I know that this probably isn’t how you were expecting things to go, but Ben...I can make you _happy_. I can be there for you--”

“ _No_ , Rey. I can’t let you throw your life away.” he says sternly, looking down as he presses his lips together. “This is not my life. I _loved_ my life. I don’t think I can be the kind of man that accepts _this_.”

“You’re not giving it a chance. You’re not giving... _us_ a chance.” Her voice is beginning to waver at the thought that she might not be able to convince him out of this. 

“I don’t want you to miss out on all the amazing things that _someone else_ could give you. That you may one day regret--” he grits out, his voice on the verge of tears.

“Don’t do this, Ben. _Please_ don’t go this way.” she whispers, her hands cupping his jaw as a single tear streams down her face. He lets out a shaky breath as his own tear slips down his cheek. Rey begins to sob quietly, steady tears dripping down on to her yellow sundress.

“Listen to me, Rey. This night, this week...being here with _you_...is the best thing you could’ve ever given me.” he croaks out, visibly shaking from the restraint he’s put on himself. She cries out and shuffles herself off his lap, her hand cupping her mouth as she lets out another sob. 

“Don’t you dare, Ben Solo! Don’t you dare try to--”

“Rey, I want you to be there with me. I _need_ you there.”

“You can’t be serious. You want me to just willingly watch you _die_? You expect me to just go on and live my life after watching the man I love end his own life? I _can’t_...you can’t ask me to do that. It just isn’t fair.” She’s visibly shaking as he just stares at her, his eyes wide and in shock. No words pass between them for a few moments, and Rey can’t stand to continue this conversation if it’s a losing battle. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.” 

And with that she turns on her heel and walks back up the ramp to the villa, clutching herself as she lets her tears flow freely down her cheeks.

-

Life passes in a grey blur by the time they touch back down in England. The rims of her eyes are painfully red as she stares out desolately into nothing, refusing to look at him. Ben hasn’t made much effort to see or look at her either, relying solely on Hux to do what needs to be done. She’s not a monster, she still loads his luggage and seats him comfortably in his seat before they take off but it’s painfully silent as thick tension hangs between them. Rey has no idea if Hux knows what transpired between them, but he just continues to be the unassuming neutral buffer for the entirety of the flight.

Ben’s parents are there to greet them at the airport when they make their way through the terminal, their eyes wide and hopeful with the smiles to match. The pain and hurt that had started to subside comes rushing back, Rey now realizing that she not only failed to convince Ben otherwise but how she failed his parents on her promise to do so. Leia can almost instantly sense when the tears start to flood her eyes, Rey pushing past them and out the automatic doors towards the bus stop.

“Rey? Rey!” Leia calls out after her, but she refuses to even acknowledge it as the tears come steady down her cheeks.

“Mother.” she can hear Ben’s stern voice say from a distance. “Don’t.”

She’s grateful that the bus is already sitting idly at the stop, Rey clamoring herself in and taking the open seat by the window. Her eyes betray her as they look out the window to see Leia’s sullen face followed by somber contention in Ben’s eyes. Cupping her hand over her mouth she allows a soft sob to finally escape her lips, taking in that this is the last time those eyes will ever look back at her.

-

The week has felt like a year with Rey curled tightly in her bed, her days consisting of crying, wallowing in sadness and even more crying. Maz and Chewie have done their best to give her space but when she barely touches the meals they bring to her room they grow even more concerned. She refuses to speak to anyone about it, for fear that the words may never make it out of her mouth before she starts sobbing again.

Why did she let herself fall for this beautifully broken man? How could he not see how good he was, how much he means to the people in his life...that he could just throw everything away without even considering the feelings for the people he will leave behind? She knows her train of thought is incredibly selfish, that she couldn’t possibly understand the kinds of struggles he goes through day in and day out. But she’s heard Leia talking about clinical trials and physical therapy, and yeah it definitely won’t _cure_ him, but that plus the unconditional love of another might be exactly what he needs to find this life worth living.

She shakes these hopeless thoughts out of her head, finally finding the strength to get out of bed and shower. Leia texted her yesterday asking her to come by the house to pick up her last check. Rey had almost begged her to mail it instead but a part of her would at least like to see Leia and Han one last time. They’ve been nothing but welcoming and kind to her, and although her employment with them will be ending she respects them enough to thank them in person. 

She throws on a simple black dress and white leather trainers, almost as if the loss of Ben is also the loss of her typically bright and unconventional style. Rey makes the trek to their front gate, her heart pounding out of her chest as she knocks on the large wooden door. Leia’s warm empathetic smile greets her, but Rey can instantly see the soft sadness in her eyes.

“Please come in, dear. I made some tea.” she says as she ushers her in. Rey wants to politely decline but it's as if her tongue is made of stone, unable to get any words out as she takes in the familiar comfort of their home. She didn’t see the car they use for Ben out on the driveway which gives her a sigh of relief that he isn’t home and that there’s no possibility of running into him. Her and Leia sit on the couch and sip the warm black tea she’s prepared, comfortable conversation flowing between them.

“Leia...I just want to say I’m sorry.” she mutters. Leia looks at her with slight surprise so she elaborates. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.”

“Oh sweetheart…” Leia says sympathetically, taking one of Rey’s hands in between both of hers. “It’s not your job to save him. He’s a Solo, and if there’s anything we Solo’s are it’s stubborn.” They share a broken laugh in between quiet sobs. “But you have to know it’s not your fault...if anything, I could see how happy you made him. And that’s what he needs right now. It’s what we all need, and we have you to thank for that.” All she can do is let out a shaky exhale, nodding her head as she lets Leia’s hands squeeze hers in comfort.

Once they finish with tea, Rey makes one last trip to Ben’s corner of the house. It’s where she spent the most time and she just wants to be able to take in the memories for the last time. It’s where they watched a movie together for the first time, where Rey convinced him to let her shave his face, where Ben’s eyes lustfully studied her body in that tight red dress he loved so much. There were simply too many memories for her in that space that she couldn’t help herself one last time. 

In the middle of her reminiscing, the automatic doors to the bedroom slide open to reveal a tired pair of familiar amber eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

“Ben.” she whispers in stunned disbelief. She thought he wasn’t home...she wouldn’t have even dared to come to this side of the house if there was even the slightest chance he would be here. Rey is frozen in place, unable to tear her gaze away from him. 

“Rey...you’re here.” he states in equally stunned disbelief.

“Came to pick up the check.” she mutters, loosely waving it in her hand before tucking it into her bag. She just rocks back on her heels, looking down at the floor as she tries to survive the tension in the air. The tears begin to well up in her eyes again when she realizes that she will have to go through the process of saying goodbye to him all over again, that she didn’t just cut it off at the beach in France. Now she has to see him again and be painfully reminded that there soon will be a world where Ben Solo ceases to exist.

“Rey. I--” he stammers, trying to formulate the words in his head. “Did you mean it?” Her watery eyes dart up with a somewhat quizzical look on her face. She steps closer to him, silently asking him to clarify. “Did you mean it when you said you... _love_ me?”

Ah yes, in the midst of her hysterics she had called him _the man she loves_. It’s not as though she regrets it, she just hadn’t expected it to say it in that way...much less in those circumstances. She lets out another shaky sigh. “Of course I did, Ben.”

Whatever calm demeanor he has been trying to keep in front of her breaks in that moment. “ _How_? How could you love... _this_?” His voice is almost distraught, like the thought of loving him is the most unfathomable thing in the world. 

“How could I not? You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, your sense of humor brings me to tears, you let me call you out on your bullshit. You even put up with my quirky outfits and my loud personality.” This causes them both to laugh through the tears that have evidently begun to flow. “I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m with you. I’ve been so lonely and lost for so long and...you made me feel like _home_.”

He tries to conceal a shuddered sob but is unsuccessful. “Rey, I can’t let you waste your life taking care of me. It’s not the life you deserve.”

Rey drops to her knees in front of him, her elbows in his lap as she looks up with wide eyes. “But it’s the life I _want_. You’re not a burden to me, Ben Solo. I will take care of you the way you’ll take care of me. We’ll be there for each other through everything, filling each other's loneliness with happiness. That’s what love is.” She pauses for a moment to let him absorb her words, yet another verbal confirmation that she loves him. All he can do is stare down at her, his lip quivering and tears streaming down his face.

“Come here.” he whispers, using his eyes to motion her up. She scrambles to crawl sideways into his lap, curling her face into his neck as her feet dangle off the edge. “For so long after the accident, I had almost wished it had just killed me, because a part of me died after that day. I was so alone and angry, I had lost people that I thought cared about me, I became a burden to my parents...I thought that _this_ was not a life worth living. But then, here you came in your polka dot dresses and frilly socks--” They both giggle through their tears “--and you turned my life upside down. You showed me... _joy_. I thought I could just let you go because I knew you deserved better than me, that I could never be someone worth loving. But here you are, as stubborn as ever, telling me that you do.” Another watery laugh escapes them both, Rey lightly hitting his shoulder. “I love you, Rey Niima. I never want you to be alone. And even if it’s my sole purpose in life just to love you...then it’ll be worth it. 

Rey throws her arms around him, hugging him as she cries into his shoulder. A wave of relief rushes over her at the realization that not only does Ben love her too, but that he won’t end his life. She begins to pepper his tear-stained face with kisses before ending up on his lips, the two of them smiling into the kiss as Rey’s hand comes to gently stroke his hair.

“Rey…” he mutters against her lips. She pulls away to look at him. “Are you sure you want this? It’s not going to be easy--”

“Dealing with you every day is not going to be easy?” she teases sarcastically. “Good thing I have six months of relevant work experience dealing with pretentious assholes.”

His lips quirk up into a smile as he raises his eyebrow. “Oh? And would you be able to provide a reference for that?”

She smirks back. “I think so. He’s kinda intense, but he told me he loves me so…”

“Yes. Yes he does.” His lips curl up just enough to allow his dimples peek out, and Rey cups his face in her hands before kissing him again and again.

-

It’s not an _ideal_ existence, but then again when has life ever promised us perfection? Where the true perfection lies is in two lonely broken souls who found and began to heal each other. Who let their love outweigh the pain that they thought would last forever, only instead to be replaced by joy and happiness in each other’s company.

Rey knew that her life was about to change forever, but knowing that Ben would be with her through it all was more than enough for her to take that leap of faith. Ben’s parents were overjoyed with the fact that he would now change his mind on his plans, but the true joy they felt was when they could see the love in their son's eyes for the girl that had captivated them all. From that day forward it was like a new life was breathed into the estate, like the flowers looked a little more colorful or that the sun shone a little bit brighter. Empty rooms and quiet corridors were suddenly filled with smiles and laughter and talks of the future. 

That night when Rey tucks him into his bed, he asks her to stay. All she can do is give him a shy smile and nod, slipping off her shoes and climbing into his side after giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Nuzzled into his chest, he asks her about all her hopes and dreams. As they talk, he makes mental notes to try to make as many of these come true for her. Give her anything and everything she wants, although he knows deep _deep_ down...all she truly wants is him.

-

It’s not an _easy_ existence, but then again when has life ever promised us simplicity? At the request of Rey, Hux and his parents, Ben goes back to physical therapy. Of course it can never reverse his condition, but it’s meant to ensure that the constant pain and atrophy he endures becomes more manageable. Every day is a struggle, Ben growling in frustration or crying in pain. He also agrees to the clinical trial his mother had mentioned months ago, some medication that doesn’t necessarily work but also doesn’t necessarily _not_ work. It’s grueling and difficult and every day makes him want to quit these things more and more...but he doesn’t quit, not when he sees Rey’s bright hopeful eyes in the corner of the room inspiring him to go on.

Simplicity doesn’t exist in his relationship either. Ben and Rey get into small tiffs about anything. Ben encourages her to go back to school so that she can become a teacher like she’s always dreamed of, but Rey refuses to accept his money to pay for it. He doesn’t care about the money, lord knows he’s got more than what he’ll ever know what to do with. He pleads her, practically begs to let him do this for her. To prove that he can take care of her as much as she takes care of him. It must be a truly desperate look in his eyes, because she eventually acquiesces with a small nod before climbing into his lap and kissing him soundly. 

\- 

Their first six months was the discovery of their love and the value of their lives. The next six months was the existence of their love and meaning of their lives. It’s at the end of that interval where we find them today. A beautiful warm afternoon in the garden of Solo Manor, hushed chatter from the handful of people dressed in their Sunday best. An archway laced with purple, pink and white flowers with a very nervous Ben Solo directly underneath it. 

His parents are seated in the front off to the side, animatedly chatting with Rey’s mother, Maz. Rey’s sister Rose and brother Finn are seated directly behind them marveling at the simple yet elegant set up of the garden. Poe and Bazine are off towards the middle, looking at each other lovingly while Bazine rubs her swollen belly. He’s incredibly grateful for this day, a day he thought would never come. 

It was a quiet night for Rey and Ben on their side of the house. They had just finished watching The Greatest Showman, Ben still unable to deny Rey’s lovingly annoying requests to watch musicals. He won’t tell her that he secretly enjoyed it, finding himself humming along to the tunes as she watched it with rapt attention in his lap. They settled at their dining table for dinner, Ben sweating through his jumper at the possibility of how badly this could go wrong. Hux had assured him that everything would be fine, but when has Ben Solo never not been dramatic?

“Rey, can you actually bring that box on the table over here.” he states casually, motioning to the simple black box on the edge of the counter. She absent-mindedly does, whistling to herself as she sets it in front of him. He silently instructs her to open it, only to reveal a smaller velvet box inside. She gasps softly, looking up at him with questioning eyes. 

“Ben…” she whispers, her eyes widening.

“I’m not going to be able to do this the old fashioned way, so just hear me out.” he states, clearing his throat before inching himself closer to her. “Rey Niima, you’ve changed my life. You came into my grey world and showed me colors I can’t see with anyone else. I love you so much and it would make me the happiest man in the world if I could spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

She squeals out what he thinks is a yes, Rey instantly climbing into his lap to pepper kisses across his face. They laugh and cry, smiling against each other's lips when she finally presses hers to his. She finally manages to pull away to actually open up the box and slide the delicate diamond ring onto her finger, her body vibrating as she lets out a nervous sigh. 

“We’re really doing this, huh…” she mutters softly to no one in particular. He wants to agree with her, tell her they really _are_ doing this, but he’s rendered speechless. 

For all he cares, the two of them could’ve waltzed into the nearest courthouse right then and there but he knew that Rey deserved a real wedding with a gorgeous dress and a cake and all their friends and family members. He tries not to watch the dozens of pairs of eyes that are staring directly at him, only to the empty end of the aisle where the love of his life will soon stand from. The firm comforting hand of Hux squeezes at his shoulder momentarily when the doors open and all available air is completely knocked out of his longs.

_Rey_. Darling, beautiful Rey. _His_ Rey. Looking like a vision in an effortlessly beautiful white lace dress, hanging sweetly from her form with a modest slit up the side. Her hair hangs loosely curled around her face, a simple flower crown made up of a similar arrangement to the archway wrapped neatly around her head. She can’t take his eyes off him as she walks down the aisle in arms with her father, Chewie barely able to keep it together as he holds back tears. When she finally approaches him, she lets out a content sigh and a shy smirk.

“You clean up good, Solo.” she muses softly.

“I would say the same...but that would be vastly understated, Niima.” he says breathlessly, drinking in her form as she stands in front of him. 

“That’s not going to be my name for long.” she giggles, Ben’s eyes growing wide with realization. “Looks like you’ll have to come up with something else.”

He can’t help but chuckle as they both turn to face the altar. “Good thing I have plenty of time to figure that out.” 


End file.
